Friday, September 01, 2006

"Red Water" review

Red Water (2003)

Directed by Charles Robert Carner
Writing credits J.D. Feigelson Chris Mack

Lou Diamond Phillips.... John Sanders
Kristy Swanson.... Dr. Kelli Raymond
Coolio.... Ice

Lou Diamond Phillips heads out into the Bayou to do battle with a bull shark. The fishing business is slow so he decides to help his ex-wife out and look for oil. Coolio shows up as a Caribbean drug dealer. He's there with his posse looking for buried treasure. Mr. Bull Shark decides to intrude on their party.

Why do modern shark movies need to have so much going on? Once again, we must look back in time to the mighty "Jaws" for inspiration and answers. We must ask ourselves, what made that movie so successful in the first place? The killer shark movie has been appearing frequently at the video store. Surely, the producers have figured out how to make a good shark movie by now.

"Red Water" is not the worst straight to video shark movie I've seen but it's still lacking the magic that the original "Jaws" had. Dr Gore's key to a successful killer shark movie is this: Sharks need to be attacking bathers. That's where the terror lies. Everyone who swims in the ocean is afraid that some monster fish is going to swim up underneath and chomp down on them. The fear of giant sharks will always be there. Why can't these straight to video movies understand that?

Instead we get Caribbean Coolio and his quest for underwater bling bling. We get Lou Diamond and his quest for his blonde ex-wife. I don't want to see any of these quests. The only quest I want to see is the bull shark's quest to see how many humans he can stuff in his mouth at the same time. "Red Water" trips up on its many side stories. There was too much blah blah whine and not enough glub glub AAAHH! Still, the death of the shark was a cool B-movie moment. I don't want to spoil it but let's just say that Lou Diamond takes the shark to the dentist. It's not pretty.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 chomped Coolios

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