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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

"The Pumpkin Karver" review

The Pumpkin Karver (2006)

Directed by Robert Mann
Writing credits Robert Mann Sheldon Silverstein

Amy Weber .... Lynn Starks
Michael Zara .... Jonathan Starks
Minka Kelly .... Tammy
Terrence Evans .... Ben Wickets
Misty Adams .... Yolanda
Briana Gerber .... Vicki
Charity Shea .... Rachel

A bunch of teens hold a party in a pumpkin patch. You know what happens when teens get together in bunches. It’s carving time. A brother and sister show up at the party to forget about that little fatal incident that happened last Halloween. This pumpkin party will put their minds at ease. The brother starts going insane as he realizes he was born to be a carver. All these dang pumpkins aren’t helping him keep his sanity either. Many teens will pay for inviting this pumpkin freak to the party.

“Pumpkin Karver” is a standard B-flick. Nothing exciting or interesting happens in it. Teens, party, killer, blah, blah, blah. Usually this formula would provide me with the slasher movie entertainment I enjoy but “Pumpkin Karver” forgot to pump up the all important exploitation elements that a B-movie needs to be worth anything. I am of course referring to the foundations of B-cinema, sex and violence.

There’s no nudity in “Pumpkin Karver”. Drunken teens at a slasher movie party always need to be horny teens. Never forget that. They even had three girls dress up as Charlie’s Angels but no nudity. One scene had the sexiest girl teasing a dork but she wouldn’t flash her angels. There were a lot of other hot girls in this one but no skin in the pumpkin patch. Tragic.

The kills in “Pumpkin Karver” are weak. The movie grinds on with some ludicrous budding love story while the viewer waits impatiently for a madman with a pumpkin on his head to appear. The killer doesn’t even show himself until an hour has dragged by. When he finally showed himself, I had gotten fed up with his incompetent slashing skills and needed the movie to end.

The only good thing to say about “Pumpkin Karver” is that it had some nice gore at the end when you finally get to see why they bothered calling this movie “Pumpkin Karver”. The teens get permanent smiles thanks to the carver. But the movie is so bland for a slasher flick that it’s not worth sitting through to see it. “Pumpkin Karver” won’t hurt you if you decide to watch it but it sure won’t thrill you much either. It can be skipped.

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 dead pumpkins

5 comments:

Gumby666 said...

Oh my ghod! Amy Weber actually showed promise in Kolobor, but her acting has actually deteriorated since, and since she's one of the producers there is no excuse. The rest of the acting is terrible, the plot goes beyond predictable, and several characters actually walk off the movie screen and disappear from the rest of the movie. There's been better acting and directing in most porn movies. If I had appeared in this movie I would retire from acting and go into something more respectable, like a skid row bum.

Dr. Gore (drgore@hotmail.com) said...

So you didn't like it then? Yeah, it was pretty bad. Although I don't think I would become a bum after producing another B-movie clunker. It wasn't that horrible. Predictable is the right word for it. Forgettable would be another good description of it. We can only hope Amy Weber bounces back from the carving and stays off skid row.

Anonymous said...

Glad to see someone else saw this. All this time I thought I was the only one.
This movie sucked.

Anonymous said...

Ok...if you are specifically taking nudity into account when watching a slasher movie, you have no right to be reviewing movies. Sure, it is always fun to see a hot girl do some kind of seductive dance (only to be killed moments later) but what makes a good slasher movie, is a great villian, a great hero, and a great story that ties them all together. Without any corniness. Sure this movie wasn't that good, but I would still rather watch this one with a little bit of story/setup than all the current slasher nudity filled corny films. I would give it 2.5/5

Anonymous said...

just saw this movie on syfy and must say this movie SUCKED! but i must admit that i really, really like the photo used for the film cover. looks very nice. don't see this movie...