Pages

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

"Womb Raider" review

Womb Raider (2003)

Directed by Randolph Scott
Writing credits Randolph Scott

Antoinette Abbott .... Natasha
John Bakula .... Tibetan Guide
Mercedes Bin .... Servant Harem Girl
Annie Body .... Milla/Statue Priestess #2
Gustavo Cardenas .... Desert Prince
Lauren Hays .... Cara Loft
Tony Lanfield .... Lord Loft
Roland Lanza .... Dylan/Dr. Scrotus
Randolph Scott .... Prince's Guard #1


“Womb Raider” is all about trying to see how many times Lauren Hays can get naked. Hays plays the Angelina Jolie character from “Tomb Raider” right down to the one strand of hair that keeps getting in her eye. The filmmakers try very hard to get her undressed every five to ten minutes. Who can blame them? Now I know what was missing from “Tomb Raider”. Non-stop Jolie nudity would have saved that flick from mediocrity. “Womb Raider” doesn’t make the mistake of keeping their beautiful women covered up. Hays struts around topless in the desert, the jungle, and anywhere else around the globe she pleases.

“Womb Raider” starts off with Hays pleasuring herself while a ninja wearing platform shoes barges into her bedroom. Thankfully the ninja is a female and wants to invite Hays to a party tomorrow night. They seal the deal with some ninja sex. That’s what ninjas do you know. Break into houses and then inevitably have sex with their prey. At the party, Hays gets an assignment from the big bad guy. Go around the world and have more lesbian sex! And, if you have time, retrieve the lost wombs of something or other because they’re really valuable. I guess. Ahh, who cares? Just make sure you beat down each womb idol guardian with your topless raiding power.

The sex scenes in “Womb Raider” are all about techno music and wind machines. When you feel the urge to start dancing, you’ll know that Hays is about to raid some wombs. Most of the idol guardians are women and if it happens to be a man, they’ll be some ladies around to help the womb raider. So when she spots a sexy woman, you know what that means: Cue the wind machine and crank up the techno!

But even though I saw the unrated version of “Womb Raider”, these sex scenes were pretty tame. Hays has a great body and its fun to see her strip down at every conceivable moment but the sex scenes don’t deliver. The last scene was a real letdown. It has Hays and the blonde Natasha naked in a Jacuzzi but they don’t have sex. Where was the womb raiding when we needed it man?! They just stared at each other’s naked bodies and rubbed lotion on themselves. This was not the grand finale I was hoping for.

Still, “Womb Raider” has its moments. Most of them involve Lauren Hays getting topless over and over again. As a connoisseur of these types of films, I always appreciate the hard work it goes into making sure the nudity demands of the genre are met. So if you’re a Lauren Hays fan, or if you just want to see how many times a Womb Raider can get naked, you should check this out. But if you’re looking for a sex flick with lots of hot Sapphic delights, you can let this Raider go.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 womb raiders

3 comments:

tertio said...

Thanx for this excellent review!!
If it wasn't for You... who knows what crappy B-movie I would-up watching!
But with Your help, I'm watching all the good stuff!!!
And sorry for not saying THANK YOU a bit earlier...
but You know US... LURKERS!!

Dr. Gore (drgore@hotmail.com) said...

Hey Lurker,

Thanks for stopping by and checking in. I'll try to keep your B-movie suffering to a minimum. My brain has been pummelled by so many toxic B-movie fumes that only the foulest flicks can affect me.

Anonymous said...

I'd do anything just to bone her