Saturday, October 30, 2010

"Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros" review

Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros

Director: Fred Olen Ray

Christine Nguyen ... Dr. Jones
Heather Vandeven ... Evilla Cruella
Frankie Cullen ... Drago
Billy Chappell ... Mark X (as Tony Marino)
Rebecca Love ... Carol
Brynn Tyler ... Security guard
Jayden Cole ... Girl

So I've been very sick lately. I had to have emergency abdominal surgery. I won't go into the gory details but let's just say blood was spilled and guts were shifted around. I was laid low for about four weeks and am just now starting to come out of it. I had to practice walking again along with such important tasks as cooking for myself while wounded, (I can make some mean scrambled eggs now). As I started to emerge from my pain-filled Vicodin haze, I realized I needed some alternative medicine to help me crawl back to the land of the living. What doctor had the cure I so desperately craved?

It's with this mindset that I watched "Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros". Dr. Jones, (Christine Nguyen), just might be the doctor I've been looking for. Christine is a prolific performer in these late night sex movies and has been good to me in the past. I needed her healing powers now.

"Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros" is about Dr. Jones and her manic need to get naked. She is on a mission to find an idol or a temple or something. She starts the movie off in a maid's outfit which can only lead to sex. Sure enough, a blond security guard and Christine decide to consummate their five minute relationship on top of a desk. Later, Christine gets naked again as she takes a long shower in order to cool down from all of her carnal activities. Christine doesn't even have time to dry off before Special Agent Rebecca Love shows up for yet another lesbian scene. Then the movie goes through the standard softcore motions as all of the actors take turns switching partners until everyone is sexually satiated and Dr. Jones has saved the world.

Christine Nguyen deserves special mention for healing my pain in my darkest hours. Her first two lesbian scenes are the best in the movie and gave me hope when I was down. The first scene was good with plenty of kissing and breast licking. But it's the scene with Rebecca Love which really had a profound effect on me. I think Christine Nguyen may be as much of a breast lover as I am. Finally, Rebecca Love had a sex partner who appreciates her heaving breasts as much as I do. This scene was magical and I thank Dr. Jones for being such an enthusiastic performer.

"Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros" is a standard late night softcore movie. Fred Olen Ray and his band of co-conspirators have crafted yet another watchable flick. The first two sex scenes are the only ones worth mentioning as Dr. Jones makes sweet love to some beautiful women. The rest of the sex scenes go through the motions without causing too much excitement. So if you're up late one night and recovering from life saving surgery, Dr. Nguyen may be able to help you live again with her soothing bedside manner.

SCORE: 2 out of 4 Dr. Nguyens